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The Truth, by Neil Strauss
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Neil Strauss became famous to millions around the world as the author of The Game, a funny and slyly instructive account of how he transformed himself from a scrawny, insecure nerd into the ultra-confident, ultra-successful “pickup artist” known as Style. The book jump-started the international “seduction community,” and made Strauss a household name—revered or notorious—among single men and women alike.
But the experience of writing The Game also transformed Strauss into a man who could have what every man wants: the ability to date or have casual sex with almost every woman he met. The results were heady, to be sure. But they also conditioned him to view the world as a kind of constant parade of women, sex, and opportunity—with intimacy and long-term commitment taking a back seat. That is, until he met the woman who forced him to choose between herself and the parade. The choice was not only difficult, it was wrenching. It forced him deep into his past, to confront not only the moral dimensions of his pickup lifestyle, but also a wrenching mystery in his childhood that shaped the man that he became. It sent him into extremes of behavior that exposed just how conflicted his life had become. And it made him question everything he knew about himself, and about the way men and women live with and without each other.
He would never be the same again.
Searingly honest, compulsively readable, this book may have the same effect on you.
- Published on: 2015-05-26
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Binding: Preloaded Digital Audio Player
Review
The guy who wrote The Game and lived The Game searches for love and learns that it's way, way harder. And funnier * Time * Swipe right. Keep the girl. Pick-up pro Neil Strauss follows The Game with a new take on love and lust * GQ * Older, wiser and a new father, [Neil Strauss] has changed his ways * Irish Independent * Colour me seduced -- Laura Miller * Slate * A compelling story of a deeply troubled man who has emerged from emotional wilderness * Daily Telegraph * The pick-up guru drops his perverts' charter in favour of finding love * Evening Standard *
About the Author
Neil Strauss is the author of the New York Times bestsellers The Game and Rules of the Game. He is also the co-author of four previous bestsellers: How to Make Love Like a Porn Star (with Jenna Jameson), The Dirt (with Mötley Crüe), Don’t Try This At Home (with Dave Navarro), and The Long Hard Road Out of Hell (with Marilyn Manson), and the co-author of the satirical graphic novel How to Make Money Like a Porn Star (with Bernard Chang), which has been banned in Singapore. Under the alter ego “Style,” he achieved the distinction of becoming the world’s greatest pickup artist. Strauss lives in Los Angeles, CA.
Most helpful customer reviews
105 of 119 people found the following review helpful.
The Most Entertaining Book You'll Read on Relationships
By Mofessor
The Truth starts with an archetypal trajectory—boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy goes on quest to win girl back—but becomes something curlier and less predictable as it goes along.
With lashings of hedonism and debauchery thrown in for good measure, The Truth is based on Strauss’ mission to discover whether monogamy, faithfulness, and commitment make sense in the modern world. The book is as high spirited as you might expect from someone who wrote The Game, and delves into the underpinnings of sex, relationships and their effect on life, love, and family.
Straddling the line between damning expose and redemption story, there are many times Strauss stares lustfully at self-annihilation. But to its credit, The Truth is not another preachy, earnest treatise on the dangers of sex, nor is it a sentimental journey to 12-step redemption. There have certainly been enough of those. Rather this is a study in how men and women relate to each other, and what it truly means to be in relationship with somebody. Like all the best books, as Strauss swerves between libertine and committed partner, we are simultaneously wincing and somehow wishing we were in the middle of it.
80 of 92 people found the following review helpful.
Not What You Expect
By D B
The title for "The Truth" is so shamelessly pretentious that you probably expect to be sidelined with platitudes of common wisdom hard won by the author's failure to obtain anything meaningful in his pickup life.
Instead, what you get is a deep exploration of why he ever felt like he needed pickup in the first place. What drives a person to feel like they have to seek "love" and approval from dozens, hundreds, thousands of other people? Why is it, that when you can supposedly seduce any person in the world into liking you, you still don't like yourself?
The book starts with the author cheating on his girlfriend. He acknowledges that he's scum and checks in to a sex addiction clinic. This first part of the book, you can't wait for him to be taken down a peg, because despite knowing he messed up and genuinely wanting to change...he is resistant and snarky, lecturing people on why they should be able to have their cake and eat it too.
Don't worry, he gets his.
After having his world totally obliterated by an insight he receives in therapy....he retreats further into his own justifications and ideas. He "tries" for several months to change his way of thinking, but the heavy handed shaming and brainwashing of the therapy and approach he is given keeps him from making any real progress at all.
So instead, he does what any internationally known pickup artist would do when faced with their own insecurities and lack of satisfaction in life.
He starts a harem.
And tries swinging,
And a commune,
All the kind of misadventures that people who glorified the Game and think more lovers=more happiness are probably waiting for.
And maybe it would have worked out...if he had been seeking these relationships for healthy reasons.
The Truth is not platitudes. It is not an endorsement for polyamory or monogamy. The Truth is an honest and genuine exploration of one man's desperate attempt to change his programming and issues to be able to have a healthy relationship with another person (or persons).
I truly believe that the things I learned from this book, and the steps it encouraged me to take, will change my relationship with my partner forever.
112 of 135 people found the following review helpful.
Timeo Danaos et dona ferentes
By KVD
Timeo Danaos et dona ferentes
“I fear all Greeks, even those bearing gifts”
-Vergil, the Aeneid
This book is interesting mostly as a character study of its author, Neil Strauss. I read The Game and found fascinating the extent to which he craved respect and admiration from others, and to feel superior to them. The whole book was an exercise in power, in letting everyone know that though he wasn’t good-looking, he was smart enough to manipulate women into sleeping with him anyway, cool enough to socialize with celebrities without being star struck, and talented enough to write for influential publications like the NY Times.
In this book, too, there is no doubt that Strauss is a master manipulator. He writes about feeling dorky, or ashamed, inviting our sympathy and drawing us into the story, making us care. Then he “shows” us that he’s actually not a dork by having lots of threesomes with women, because most people think that having a threesome in itself makes you cool. But now he’s inside our heads, the place he most longs to be – in control of our thoughts and emotions (or so he hopes).
So one of the things about this book is that it is structured like Homer’s Odyssey. Though Strauss mentions Odysseus and James Joyce’s Ulysses, he never explicitly communicates that he actually models the book on the epic poem itself – this is because he wants to feel smarter and more cultured than the people reading his book – it’s his own little private joke on us, to make him feel powerful. And I suppose he thinks that he’s impressing those of us who do get the allusions (witches and guides and siren songs for example) and cute little references (he names his dog Hercules).
The Odyssey was a great poem, but it was also an incredibly misogynistic one, and one of its functions was to reaffirm and perpetuate the idea that women are objects fulfilling different roles in a man’s life – dutiful wife, seductive but deadly sorceress, nymphomaniac, ball-busting bitch. Though Strauss claims to come to the conclusion that women should be viewed differently today, the way he writes about the women in his book treats them in pretty much the same way that Homer did millennia ago. Use, discard, repeat. I looked up photos of him and his wife, and it’s clear he hasn’t broken this pattern with her. She’s 15-20 years his junior, clearly less educated than he is, a multiple plastic surgery victim, with a heavily made-up, injected face. She is the picture of American female insecurity. In a picture I saw of them together, he stands above her on a staircase, dressed like some hipster professor, his hand on her body in a proprietary way. She wears – I kid you not – little kid sneakers with sloppily tied laces, cutoff shorts, and a sweatshirt with an ice-cream cone print. The pouty look on her face thinly disguises her fear and insecurity. Equals, yeah.
Something I remember from Agatha Christie books is Miss Marple’s simple but astute insight that a major problem with most people’s way of thinking is that they just believe everything that they’re told. In reality, sometimes what others say is true, but more often than we might guess, it’s not; either because they’re mistaken or simply because they are making it up. Much of “The Truth” is actually not the truth, it’s words that Strauss put together in order to elicit a certain reaction from his readers. To give just one example, when he forms his “harem” of three women (using that word is another attempt to impress us) he would have us believe that the women have never met before or even spoken or emailed each other. Yet it makes no sense that they wouldn’t have communicated at all before moving into a house together – it’s simply unbelievable. One of the women is very smart and critical, yet he has her regularly fighting with the others for the privilege of sitting next to him in the front seat like a child. I don’t think this happened, it’s simply too out of character for Veronika – or if it did, then his depiction of her is inaccurate. And then he would have us believe that it is only after the failure of the harem experiment did it dawn on him that it wasn’t fair of him to expect them not to have sex with other men while he is able to sleep with other women. Of course it’s not fair, and I kept waiting for him to address it during that section, but he pretends that it didn’t even occur to him until later when he has some big epiphany. Is the title of the book another of Strauss’ private jokes at our expense? In other words, is he merely a narcissist, or is he a full-on sociopath? I don’t know. But there are dozens of times in the book where he is clearly being disingenuous, as anyone with some critical thinking skills can perceive.
Going back to the Odyssey: Of all the Greek characters fighting the Trojan War, Odysseus was the smart one. Not muscled like Achilles or powerful like Agamemnon, but clever and conniving. He uses the power of his words and his wit to get what he wants. This is how Strauss would like to see himself. In his pathology, the way he feels worthy and powerful is by convincing others that he is smarter and cooler than everyone else. This is why he is constantly making little mean comments about people – it reminded me of the negging thing from The Game. Though he claims to be a new, wise person by the end of the book, his methods are the same as ever.
There are so many other things I noticed, like the fact that he never mentions the enormous role money and power play in relationships between men and women. Instead, he has an endless string of epiphanies and clichés that he unloads on us for 400 pages. He is the oh-so-wise dispenser of valuable advice that will blow our minds and change our lives for the better. But he’s no Homer, no Joyce.
Odysseus created the Trojan horse, which the gullible Trojans happily brought inside their city walls. Strauss has this little puppy, which he wants you to swallow hook, line, and sinker. No longer content with just having power over the poor saps who loved The Game and naïve girls at bars, now he craves the admiration of the educated. He’s shed his purple-on-purple ensembles and now wears glasses and sweaters – smart people clothes. I suppose his frenetically working mind will never truly be satisfied, even if he does fool some “intellectuals” out there. I wonder what he’ll come up with next. OK this was really long but I feel better now.
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